I think Dad retired in about 1985. He didn't do much after that. He helped a bit at the bike track where I raced, did a bit of private tutoring but really not very much. More and more he spent his time at the local RSL with regular trips to the city branch; Duckboard House. For a while he was the welfare officer at the local RSL and used to visit sick diggers and do the RSL service at funerals when requested. It's hard to define when he became an alcoholic but it was probably in the late 80's. He died in 2004 from a brain tumour
In round figures he was an alcoholic for the last 15 to 20 years of his life. Put in the context of my life from when I was 20 to 35 years old. In this time I got married and had two children. I got my electronics qualifications, had 7 different jobs and bought a house.
Every time I'd meet him would break my heart. I probably wouldn't say we were ever 'close' but we got along and were part of each others lives for a long time. Despite how sad I felt I'd still go and see him often. At the RSL and in later years the pub, at the family home where I grew up, and sometimes in the city. I'd try different ways to try to convince him to stop drinking without just being another person nagging at him. It was hard though and mostly I wouldn't say anything about it and instead talk about things going on. Work, family, politics, nuclear power.. whatever. There wasn't much that I didn't do without talking to him about and even though he was a drunk he knew a lot. He liked my kids, and they liked him. He used to buy them spearmint leaves (lollies). When we bought this place he came to help mow the backyard and I think that might have been the only time he came here.
One evening I remember well was when we watched The Blues Brothers on TV. I can't remember when it was but some time later he bought the movie on Video and gave it to me. It was good because he obviously remembered it as well. If I had to guess I'd say it was the early 90's.
He lost his licence once when he got caught drink driving. When it was time to go and get it back he stopped drinking for a few weeks and I remember him telling me how much better he felt and how much extra money he had. I thought it might have been the turning point. Sadly the day after he got his license back he went back to drinking the same way except he didn't drive when he was drunk any more. Which meant that he didn't drive much. Every now and then he'd stop drinking for a few days and then drive somewhere. In general I felt like he wanted to "do the right thing" but couldn't for some reason. Still today it makes me sad today that me, or my kids, weren't enough reason for him to stop drinking. I guess he thought it didn't have to. Unlike driving, that's the law; which he took seriously after he got caught.
I was lucky when he was dyeing that I had a job where people were able to cut me a bit of slack so I could visit him most days. The kids came with me sometimes and liked going to the lolly machine. It didn't take long from when he was diagnosed which was good when I look back. Most of the time I didn't know if he knew I was there but every so often he'd raise his arm and hand which made me think he knew who I was. I think he was more alert in his mind and eyes than it seemed. Of course they were "managing his pain" so it was hard to tell what the tumour was doing and what the medication was doing. To get some exercise and thinking time, sometimes I'd ride there. I often used to stop off at a group of big old oak trees and read on my way home. It was April so the weather was still OK at the end of Autumn and II remember it well sitting in the dappled light reading. I've been back since and it's either been too cold or the bugs have been unbearable. Mostly mosquitos.
Since he's died there have been a lot of things happen that I've missed talking to him about. Sometimes there is someone else but most of the time I don't talk to anyone. And since then I've met other alcoholics. Some it's obvious, some I can tell, and others tell me but other than that I wouldn't have known. I envy the people who have stopped drinking. In my opinion they're the ones who have realised or accepted the impact on the people who love them and their friends who care about them. It's not really something know a lot about so I don't say much about other people. Who really knows what someone else has been through? And even then one persons experiences will have a different impact on someone else.
Now as I look back at my Dad though my life, I wonder what my kids see in me. Not an alcoholic I'm pretty sure, but possibly still someone who isn't as "available" as they'd like. Maybe it's the same result in the end? Time for some more thinking...
